Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
