Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
