You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
