Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
