I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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