Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize