First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
