but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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