Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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