I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
