I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
