Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
