i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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