I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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