Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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