you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
