and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
third nipple confirmed
My vagina is officially offended.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
