Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
