so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
