just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
