I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
