So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I pour the whiskey from now on
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize