he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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