Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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