OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
