please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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