Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
did you just send me my own nude
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
