it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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