If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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