A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
