Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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