Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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