I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
