we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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