we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
