Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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