My cat gives me a boner
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
