shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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