Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize