This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
