Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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