bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
