just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
