So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
