do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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