Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
