I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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