I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
