bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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