Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Fuck appropriateness.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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