I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
