Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
