Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize