So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
