I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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