Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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