Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
