he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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