shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
