We named our party play list daddy issues
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
