Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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