i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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