You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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