WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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