I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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