glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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