she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You can't motorboat a personality
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
