At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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