Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
did i walk over a car last night?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
