did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize