It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
