I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
