I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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