Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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