just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's shark week go big or go home
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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