awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
