she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
