I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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