Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
