She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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