Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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