I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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