last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
