I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
