actually, I'm a sock model
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
