Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
