glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
