Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
