; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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