Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
