I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
