Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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