Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
