Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
