it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
