Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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