I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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