There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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