hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
