Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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