my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
