Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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