I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
