You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize