I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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