I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
