3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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