I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
