Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
