You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
